Harry Potter and The Sith Lords

Bakura2004 · 11-22-2005, 02:34 PM

Harry Potter and The Sith Lords

"Scout Ship 66, what have you found out for me?". The voice came from the large monitor. It was a old, wise sounding voice coming from a man cloaked in black on the screen. Another man was standing in front of the monitor, he was wearing a blue,offical looking uniform. He replied "We have found out much, my lord. We have monitored this planet's most powerful people and have sent some Sith to kill those that seemed to threaten our cause. It should be easy to add to the Republic once you arrive, my Lord." The man on the monitor laughed harshly and replied "good, good, you have done exacatly what you should have. I shall be on my way....what is the name of that planet?". "Earth, my Lord".

Harry awoke to Hermione shaking him vioently, she was screaming wake up at the top of her lungs. Ron was behide her, looking just as excited as she was. When she had finaly noticed Harry was awake she stopped and just stood at the foot of his bed, beaming. Harry look at her and said angrily, yet tiredly "what has gotten into you?". She responded in an excited tone "if you haven't overslept you would know, quick you have to come downstairs now!". She yanked him out of bed and then proceded to yank him out of the room. Harry grabbed him arm and shoved it to the side and said "I can walk fine on my own...". He still sounded tired. When Harry arrived in the kitchen he saw the rest of the Weasly family looking just as excited as Hermione and Ron did. Harry, being quite confused said "Why is everyone so happy?". No one said anything, but Mr. Weasly simply pointed to a copy of The Daily Prophet that was outstrenced on the kitchen table. Harry moved close to the table and looked at the top headline.

VOLDMORT IS DEAD!
Minisrty officals were investagating a graveyard thought to be the HQ for Voldmort and his Death Eaters when they find just those same people's dead bodies. Their bodies were all cut in half by what seemd to be some very hot object. No weapons were recovered. This news has caused celabration in some people, and fear in others. The celabration comes from the fact that Voldmort, the one that everyone feared is now dead. The fear some people feel is from the person or people that killed him. More people have chosen celabration over fear it seems as mass parties have broken out in wizarderding comunties everywhere. More on page 2.

Harry could not believe what he had just read...

well, what do you think?

Dr.Constantine · 11-22-2005, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bakura2004

Harry Potter and The Sith Lords

"Scout Ship 66, what have you found out for me?". The voice came from the large monitor. It was a old, wise sounding voice coming from a man cloaked in black on the screen. Another man was standing in front of the monitor, he was wearing a blue,offical looking uniform.

He replied, "We have found out much, my lord. We have monitored this planet's most powerful people and have sent some Sith to kill those that seemed to threaten our cause. It should be easy to add to the Republic once you arrive, my Lord."

The man on the monitor laughed harshly and replied, "Good, good, you have done exacatly what you should have. I shall be on my way....what is the name of that planet?"

"Earth, my Lord."

Harry awoke to Hermione shaking him vioently, she was screaming wake up at the top of her lungs.

Ron was behide her, looking just as excited as she was. When she had finaly noticed Harry was awake she stopped and just stood at the foot of his bed, beaming.

Harry looked at her and said angrily, yet tiredly, "What has gotten into you?"

She responded in an excited tone, "If you haven't overslept you would know, quick you have to come downstairs now!"

She yanked him out of bed and then proceeded to drag him out of the room.

Harry grabbed him arm and shoved it to the side and said, "I can walk fine on my own..." He still sounded tired.

When Harry arrived in the kitchen he saw the rest of the Weasly family looking just as excited as Hermione and Ron did.

Harry, being quite confused said, "Why is everyone so happy?"

No one said anything, but Mr. Weasly simply pointed to a copy of The Daily Prophet that was outstrenced on the kitchen table. Harry moved close to the table and looked at the top headline.

VOLDEMORT IS DEAD!
Minisrty officals were investagating a graveyard thought to be the HQ for Voldmort and his Death Eaters when they find just those same people's dead bodies. Their bodies were all cut in half by what seemd to be some very hot object. No weapons were recovered. This news has caused celabration in some people, and fear in others. The celabration comes from the fact that Voldmort, the one that everyone feared is now dead. The fear some people feel is from the person or people that killed him. More people have chosen celabration over fear it seems as mass parties have broken out in wizarderding comunties everywhere. More on page 2.

Harry could not believe what he had just read...

well, what do you think?

- Spelling mistakes
- Grammar Problems
- Lack of detail
- Emotions are weak
- Harry Potter meets Star Wars? I think I'm gonna vomit

Call me wrong, but this just seems like the most cruel and sinful combination of stories. C'mon, Harry Potter versus the Sith Lords? Whatever, I probably won't be reading the rest then, seeing as Voldemort would have killed a few of them before he was killed (which is doubtful in it's own).

Compare the edited version to your copy and check out some of the grammar fixes. They're nothing alarming, but should be noted.

There's not enough detail or emotion! Come on, Voldemort dies and this is the best you could come up with? All of them sitting quietly? How could Harry have overslept seeing as an event of that magnitude would probably have the entire family going nuts. There'd probably be massive partying going on there. We also cannot see what Harry, Ron, or Hermione look like.

My biggest doubt is if this would even work. There's no definite way to compare the powers of characters in two different universes. However, do as you may, but I'd be highly disappointed if the Shi- I mean, Sith lords win.

General_Grievous · 11-23-2005, 07:13 AM

Ok I must say, I am usally generous on these things, but honestly, not very good. 1/5. The whole Harry and Sith thing, just terrible. Sorry.

WildWill · 11-23-2005, 03:20 PM

Could be really funny, if you turn it into a spoof. As straightforward slash fan fic (and not the icky kind) it's weak, because the two universes are so drastically different.

And you start by killing off one of the biggest villains in either universe. What's the point after that?

Clare · 11-26-2005, 08:59 AM

I think I'm going to have to agree with the previous reviews; crossovers only work if there is a valid reason for the characters in the series concerned to come together. Bunging characters from two or more series together at random rarely works, not least because it tends to stretch credibility a little too far.

Also, there are a few spelling errors, so I would suggest you run your work through your Spellchecker - with a dictionary ready for back-up. And I would also advise you to read Advice For Aspiring Authors.

drizzztdourden · 11-27-2005, 12:33 PM

this wouldnt even be a contest.... sith>harry potter... gg