how did you decide what you wanted to do with your life

[Valafar123]

I just want something that pays for my life. I'm not really that fussy, can't afford to be.

[Pinkrzrh]

Originally Posted by Valafar123

I just want something that pays for my life. I'm not really that fussy, can't afford to be.

I wish could think like that

[N.Nick]

Follow Your Dream, Simple As That.
Live For Your Ideals.
Sounds Banal, But I Believe In It.

[Narada]

I flipped a coin.

[Pinkrzrh]

Originally Posted by N.Nick

Follow Your Dream, Simple As That.
Live For Your Ideals.
Sounds Banal, But I Believe In It.

that sounds good enough for me

[Spotroy]

I've asked the same thing myself and figured out if I wanted progress I shoulden't wait I should act soon. If I wait there will be no money for an opportunity.

[Pinkrzrh]

I like the way you think. I should act soon too

[MooooooCow]

What I thought I wanted to do didn't work out, so I went back to school. i couldn't get a job, so I was trying to get a better condition with the job I had. Then I almost died, and find myself unable to do the work I was doing.

I'm thinking about going back to school again. Basically point here, don't be in a rush to pen in the rest of your life, opportunities come and go, and you never know what's waiting around the corner.

[Yussa Tampon]

Really simple decision for me. Got hooked on this game called "crazy taxi" and wanted to take it to the next level. Now I get $100 tips whenever I get air

[siQness]

Do something that doesn't take 40 hours a week.

Spend the rest of your time making friends.

[Pinkrzrh]

Originally Posted by siQness

Do something that doesn't take 40 hours a week.

Spend the rest of your time making friends.

love this idea

[Qitozex]

Do what you love, not what'll score you big bucks. That's morally obtuse and you know it.

[Kaijudo_Kid]

Around 2009 I was in the same place, until by chance I won free tickets to an electronic music festival. Saw one particular performance that blew me away. From there, I knew I had to do that for other people. It was just one of those "lightbulb ON" moments.

I'm currently a certified Audio Engineer and Producer, and looking more into sound design and playing with effects more than I originally intended. Because I went and opened some doors, I found some other cool projects I would like to try. So instead of say being a "DJ," I want to do live performance and a lot of sample/glitch work, maybe pirate a genre or two.


Sometimes things just "click," sometimes they don't. For a lot of people, things click and then drift off. Just preserve your state and continue without kicking your ass about it. When you're open, answers come.

[DatRattleStinger]

Just had a stressful event in my life early this year that made me want to have little to do with the rest of the world, little beyond that.

[The_Dark_Monarch]

What did I decide to do with the rest of my life? Either wait to die and if that's taking too long, end it prematurely.

You see, I am of *******-all use to anybody!!!! and before you say 'there must be somebody out there who needs you'...spare me. I haven't got millions of dollars or enough time to travel around the world to meet that one person.

Yeah, so I coach a softball team and the only time they win games is when I am not there...

The other day, the team leader came up to me and went 'listen coach, no disrespect, you founded the team and all and have been great support....but can you be our coach in 'name only' now?

The team will even dedicate a plaque to you....just don't show up to our games anymore okay? Please? We do not need you anymore. We're fine now.

My eldest daughter doesn't need me....never did...told me to ******* off whenever I ever tried to help...my youngest only sees me out of a sense of 'duty', she doesn't really need me anymore either.

I do volunteer work once a week and even my boss goes like 'how 'bout you take a few weeks off? I'm not sacking you, but we've got everything pretty much up to date here now and business has kinda slackened off ever since we hired you. We'll call you if we need you again.

Yeah, so I am a walking jinx and it's not 'in my head'. I tried all that PMA stuff...tried it for YEARS, until I realised the greater the expectation, the bigger and bitter the disappointment.

So now, I live in a X@n@x-induced coma most of the time....narcotics and weed. At least if I am asleep, I don't have to think/worry about being totally useless anymore. Yeah, I wish I was never born...

So what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Kill myself when I can find the courage to do so.

[Saifullah]

Originally Posted by The_Dark_Monarch

What did I decide to do with the rest of my life? Either wait to die and if that's taking too long, end it prematurely.

You see, I am of *******-all use to anybody!!!! and before you say 'there must be somebody out there who needs you'...spare me. I haven't got millions of dollars or enough time to travel around the world to meet that one person.

Yeah, so I coach a softball team and the only time they win games is when I am not there...

The other day, the team leader came up to me and went 'listen coach, no disrespect, you founded the team and all and have been great support....but can you be our coach in 'name only' now?

The team will even dedicate a plaque to you....just don't show up to our games anymore okay? Please? We do not need you anymore. We're fine now.

My eldest daughter doesn't need me....never did...told me to ******* off whenever I ever tried to help...my youngest only sees me out of a sense of 'duty', she doesn't really need me anymore either.

I do volunteer work once a week and even my boss goes like 'how 'bout you take a few weeks off? I'm not sacking you, but we've got everything pretty much up to date here now and business has kinda slackened off ever since we hired you. We'll call you if we need you again.

Yeah, so I am a walking jinx and it's not 'in my head'. I tried all that PMA stuff...tried it for YEARS, until I realised the greater the expectation, the bigger and bitter the disappointment.

So now, I live in a X@n@x-induced coma most of the time....narcotics and weed. At least if I am asleep, I don't have to think/worry about being totally useless anymore. Yeah, I wish I was never born...

So what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Kill myself when I can find the courage to do so.

That's kind of depressing. I really hate it when people say "I wish I was never born, I'm going to kill myself, etc". Let's be realistic. You have the gift of life, so do something with it. You live in a very well-off country so you don't have to worry about basic necessities of life, so you're in a very good situation. People would literally die to be in your position. If you want to find purpose in your life then go find it. It won't come to you by sitting down. Go get a degree in something you love, it's not too late. Go to another country if you have the money and work there as a change of scenery. Read books and expand your mind. There are so many things you can do in this world, but sometimes we get trapped in our own little situations and concerns and we start to lose sight of the bigger picture. We live in this world for so many years, so make the most of them.


As for the conduct of your daughters, that really shocks me. I come from a culture that emphasizes the absolute respect for one's parents, and often you'll find children living with their parents till 30+ and then have the roles swap where the children start caring for the parents. I can't really comprehend children just dismissing their parents. Maybe you should talk to them or try to do more family events together. I just don't like what your kids are doing to you at all.

[The_Dark_Monarch]

Originally Posted by Saifullah

That's kind of depressing. I really hate it when people say "I wish I was never born, I'm going to kill myself, etc". Let's be realistic. You have the gift of life, so do something with it. You live in a very well-off country so you don't have to worry about basic necessities of life, so you're in a very good situation. People would literally die to be in your position. If you want to find purpose in your life then go find it. It won't come to you by sitting down. Go get a degree in something you love, it's not too late. Go to another country if you have the money and work there as a change of scenery. Read books and expand your mind. There are so many things you can do in this world, but sometimes we get trapped in our own little situations and concerns and we start to lose sight of the bigger picture. We live in this world for so many years, so make the most of them.


As for the conduct of your daughters, that really shocks me. I come from a culture that emphasizes the absolute respect for one's parents, and often you'll find children living with their parents till 30+ and then have the roles swap where the children start caring for the parents. I can't really comprehend children just dismissing their parents. Maybe you should talk to them or try to do more family events together. I just don't like what your kids are doing to you at all.

Thanks for trying to help, but I don't know how I can just be satisfied with having a roof over my head and food in my belly if that's all it takes to make me 'better off' than about 50% of the people out there.

There's just something inside of me that refuses to show gratitude for the 'small mercies' that all human beings are ********** entitled to.

I'm not meaning to sound angry at you (I'm not), but I cannot stand those people who try and make me 'feel better' by comparing my situation to those less fortunate. If they weren't cursed by Satan, I would gladly exchange positions with them any day....you must also realise that too.

Yeah, it's sorta like 'Oh *******, I just lost a leg'...then somebody comes along and goes 'just be thankful you didn't lose both of them'....I just wanna ********** kill those kinds of people you know?

Like parents tell their kids to finish their broccoli because there's a poor starving kid over in Africa....I was always like 'Ya know what mum? freeze dry my broccoli...find a poor starving kid over in Africa and fricken mail it to them'.

Yeah, our culture (Indian) is 'sposed to be like that too, but everything has become too 'westernised' now....all the 'old ways' are gone. There's no 'caring for your parents in old age'.....there's always the 'nursing home' now. It's good to see you are keeping the tradition alive, Saif.

There's nothing left here for me now. All those things you mentioned are all totally unfeasible...I cannot go to Uni now....I cannot find a job now....I don't have the patience to actually sit down and read a book now...

As for what I want to do? There's nothing I want more than for this to be all over.

[Saifullah]

Originally Posted by The_Dark_Monarch

Thanks for trying to help, but I don't know how I can just be satisfied with having a roof over my head and food in my belly if that's all it takes to make me 'better off' than about 50% of the people out there.

There's just something inside of me that refuses to show gratitude for the 'small mercies' that all human beings are ********** entitled to.

I'm not meaning to be angry at you (I'm not), but I cannot stand those people who try and make me 'feel better' by comparing my situation to those less fortunate. If they weren't cursed by Satan, I would gladly change positions with them any day....you must also realise that.

Yeah, it's sorta like 'Oh *******, I just lost a leg'...then somebody comes along and goes 'just be thankful you didn't lose both of them'....I just wanna ********** kill those kinds of people you know?

Like parents tell their kids to finish their broccoli because there's a poor starving kid over in Africa....I was always like 'Ya know what mum? freeze dry my broccoli...find a poor starving kid over in Africa and fricken mail it to them'.

Yeah, our culture (Indian) is 'sposed to be like that too, but everything has become too 'westernised' now....all the 'old ways' are gone. There's no 'caring for your parents in old age'.....there's always the 'nursing home' now. It's good to see you are keeping the tradition alive, Saif.

There's nothing left here for me now. All those things you mentioned are all totally unfeasible...I cannot go to Uni now....I cannot find a job now....I don't have the patience to actually sit down and read a book now...

As for what I want to do? There's nothing I want more than for this to be all over.

I didn't mean to suggest that since there are more unfortunate people in the world you should be grateful for what you have. Our perception of what is "unfortunate" depends on the eye of the beholder. For someone in Syria it would be living in Syria. For someone in the U.S, it might be being out of work.

I just mean that you don't have to worry about the basic necessities of life as much as other people, putting you in a position where you can do what you want.

Maybe you'd like the countryside and farm life. Not sure how you feel about that, but it's pretty refreshing. I seriously think you just need a change of lifestyle. A really big lifestyle change. Australia's a relatively big country, so even if you can't go overseas you have an entire country to explore. I don't know how good you are at just talking with random strangers, but it is fun. Take a road trip for a few weeks and just meet people. Maybe that will help.


As far as your kids being too 'Westernized', I don't think that excuses their behavior towards you. It doesn't matter if you were born in the U.K, Spain, Malaysia, China, or wherever. You should care for your parents the way your parents cared for you. This is a basic right a parent has over his/her children. I don't understand the 'nursing home' logic. Why would you put your parents in a faraway home and let them die there?

Maybe I seem a bit pushy, but I just take people who seem depressed seriously. It's not a joke.

[The_Dark_Monarch]

Originally Posted by Saifullah

I didn't mean to suggest that since there are more unfortunate people in the world you should be grateful for what you have. Our perception of what is "unfortunate" depends on the eye of the beholder. For someone in Syria it would be living in Syria. For someone in the U.S, it might be being out of work.

I just mean that you don't have to worry about the basic necessities of life as much as other people, putting you in a position where you can do what you want.

Maybe you'd like the countryside and farm life. Not sure how you feel about that, but it's pretty refreshing. I seriously think you just need a change of lifestyle. A really big lifestyle change. Australia's a relatively big country, so even if you can't go overseas you have an entire country to explore. I don't know how good you are at just talking with random strangers, but it is fun. Take a road trip for a few weeks and just meet people. Maybe that will help.


As far as your kids being too 'Westernized', I don't think that excuses their behavior towards you. It doesn't matter if you were born in the U.K, Spain, Malaysia, China, or wherever. You should care for your parents the way your parents cared for you. This is a basic right a parent has over his/her children. I don't understand the 'nursing home' logic. Why would you put your parents in a faraway home and let them die there?

Maybe I seem a bit pushy, but I just take people who seem depressed seriously. It's not a joke.

That's okay, Saif. I understand now...I just have this thing about having my personal feelings totally 'invalidated' by everyone...I have become so used to it now, even though it still pisses me off.

Going on a 'road trip' is totally out of the question atm due to a broken car which is gonna cost me about 2K to fix and a total lack of finances with bills protruding from my rectum.

Yeah, a lifestyle change sounds good, but there's absolutely nothing I can think of anymore that I even want to do...that I can do.
Everything I touch seems to turn to crap (call it anti-Midas)...so I am really too scared to do anything now.

I was thinking about volunteering as an inmate at a psych ward and that seems to be the only logical step for me to take atm.

[Saifullah]

Originally Posted by The_Dark_Monarch

That's okay, Saif. I understand now...I just have this thing about having my personal feelings totally 'invalidated' by everyone...I have become so used to it now, even though it still pisses me off.

Going on a 'road trip' is totally out of the question atm due to a broken car which is gonna cost me about 2K to fix and a total lack of finances with bills protruding from my rectum.

Yeah, a lifestyle change sounds good, but there's absolutely nothing I can think of anymore that I even want to do...that I can do.
Everything I touch seems to turn to crap (call it anti-Midas)...so I am really too scared to do anything now.

I was thinking about volunteering as an inmate at a psych ward and that seems to be the only logical step for me to take atm.

Maybe a martial art? One of my friends was basically a self-declared loser, was a follower, was laughed at by many people, and had confidence issues. He then started learning Judo. He basically did a 180. He's now very confident, has many friends, very physically fit, and doesn't really tolerate anyone making fun of him. I really was shocked at what happened to him. It only took about a year and a half to really notice his change.

Maybe that's what you need.

[The_Dark_Monarch]

Originally Posted by Saifullah

Maybe a martial art? One of my friends was basically a self-declared loser, was a follower, was laughed at by many people, and had confidence issues. He then started learning Judo. He basically did a 180. He's now very confident, has many friends, very physically fit, and doesn't really tolerate anyone making fun of him. I really was shocked at what happened to him. It only took about a year and a half to really notice his change.

Maybe that's what you need.

Hmmmm......thank you, Saif.

I did Karate for a few years way back when....then one day, I stepped out of the Dojo in my Gi...it was about -5DegC...it was snowing...I brought an overcoat with me, but that didn't help....I cried from the cold pain all the way home and I never went back.

Now summer is coming up, I shall return to Karate and talk to Sensei about how to deal with below freezing temperatures in a skimpy cotton Gi...

I mean, they do it in Japan ffs.....how they do it? I have nfi....but they manage somehow.

[Saifullah]

Originally Posted by The_Dark_Monarch

Hmmmm......thank you, Saif.

I did Karate for a few years way back when....then one day, I stepped out of the Dojo in my Gi...it was about -5DegC...it was snowing...I brought an overcoat with me, but that didn't help....I cried from the cold pain all the way home and I never went back.

Now summer is coming up, I shall return to Karate and talk to Sensei about how to deal with below freezing temperatures in a skimpy cotton Gi...

I mean, they do it in Japan ffs.....how they do it? I have nfi....but they manage somehow.

Make sure it's a real dojo, not some "get your black belt in a year for $49.99!" scam type thing. Karate tends to be plagued by that sort of thing since there are many Karate dojos in comparison to other martial arts. Read up on the various styles of martial arts and see what you like.

[~Behemoth~]

Another suggestion TDM.....I am not a Christian and I know you are not either, but I do know you believe in God and in Jesus and prefer hanging around the elderly as opposed to younger people.

So, go to Church!!! You don't have to sing the hymns or take the Communion...find a pretty 'liberal' Church like The Uniting Church or something that doesn't push the 'God agenda' too much.

Churchy people won't push you away or invalidate your feelings...you may be able to help clean the Church or work in their gardens....actually, your questions may be better answered by a priest rather than a psychiatrist...especially if you know whatever is happening to you is 'beyond your control' and is the work of God/Devil...whatever. He may offer some prayers for you and it may help...

Yeah, don't think about it as 'oh *******, I am going to Church'.....think of it as 'I am going to a place where I may meet some nice, friendly people who I can talk honestly with over a cup of tea'.

So please don't judge this or judge me. All I know (and Saifullah will tell you too, being a med student and all)....mixing barbituates with marijuana is only going to make the problems and your feelings infy times worse).

[Saifullah]

^ That's pretty good advice. I know people who are Christian mainly in name but go to church just to socialize. Churches do bring communities together and are great opportunities to meet new people. Universal Unitarian churches are pretty good at this.


Marijuana isn't that bad of a drug compared to legal things we have such as over the counter stuff and alcohol (yes, studies have been done that prove alcohol is worse than crack cocaine), but it still induces psychosis and you really shouldn't be smoking it as a fix for depression.

[~Behemoth~]

Originally Posted by Saifullah

^ That's pretty good advice. I know people who are Christian mainly in name but go to church just to socialize. Churches do bring communities together and are great opportunities to meet new people. Universal Unitarian churches are pretty good at this.


Marijuana isn't that bad of a drug compared to legal things we have such as over the counter stuff and alcohol (yes, studies have been done that prove alcohol is worse than crack cocaine), but it still induces psychosis and you really shouldn't be smoking it as a fix for depression.

Agreed, Saifullah and I honestly believe this is the best thing TDM can do, at least until her mind is clear and she knows what she wants to do herself.

I have no problems with Marijuana either and I realise TDM is only using it as a 'band-aid' to numb her emotions...which she shouldn't be doing.

My problems stem from the fact she's mixing grass with alprazolam which is like a holy ******* for me.