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Yami100
11-07-2004, 08:34 AM
Get ready for an all new story with new duelists, new duels and new cards! Theis is definately an advaenture you don’t want to miss!


If you have any questions as to the effects of any of the cards go to this site and enter the card name in the search engine.card effects (http://www.toywiz.com)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Unreal cards~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(you will need this to understand the duels in this story)

(appearing in order)

amazoness shadow

3 stars
900 atk/1800 def

This monster may attack your opponets lifepoints directly.

Buster Blader’s tribute

4 stars
1500 atk /2000 def

If this monster is used as a tribute to summon Buster Blader, your Buster Blader gains the following effect:

-Once per turn as long as this card is face-up on the field, 1 card is randomly discarded from your opponents hand

call of buster blader’s fate

magic card card

this card can only be activated when Buster Blader is on your side of the field. Your opponent loses lifepoints equal to half of Buster Bladers atk. Your opponent removes the top five cards on their deck from play and may not look at them. Buster Blader loses 500 atk points and your turn ends emediately.






YUGIOH: RISING DUELIST LEGENDS: #1 DEATH OF YUGI




Setting:

stadium on a cruise boat




Yugi walked down the hallway while shuffling his deck. The past year of his life was building up to this moment. Canon was a powerful duelist. His craziness had led him down a dark path. Yugi knew he had to defeat Canon now. He had won every match of the tournament and this was it. If Yugi lost, his soul would be gone forever. The way his friends souls had been taken...

Yugi looked at his deck and trusted in it. Yugi and been through a lot of tough duels in his lifetime and had come out of each one safely. But he wasn’t so sure about this one. Canon was seemingly unbeatable!

Yami: Come on ! We can beat this guy! We just have to trust in the heart of the cards.

Yugi: I suppose you are right. Let’s get out there and save the world!


Announcer: Well, it’s a beutiful day and this promises to be a great duel. Yugi has been doing quite well but can he beat the ever-beoming more powerful duelist Canon? Canon’s amazon cards are proving to be too much for every duelist so far, but who know. But all of that may end tonight.


Yugi stepped into the arena.


Canon: So, tonight is the night I kill the great Yugi! Hahaha! Are you ready to awake as a new man Yugi?

Yugi: No. I’m not. Canon, I shall defeat you and save the world from your darkness.

Canon: Prove it to me!

Yugi felt his millenium puzzle shake and his body flow with energy. The Pharoah had taken over.


The two duelists activated their duel disks and decided Yugi would go first.

===Yugi-4000=== ===Canon-4000===

Yugi’s first hand was interesting.

1. Kuriboh
2. Multiply
3. Axe of Despair
4. Dark Magcican
5. Berformet
6. Monster Reborn


Yugi played down his Kuriboh in attack mode and then left two cards face down.

Now it was Canon’s turn.



Canon drew a card and then placed one magic/trap card face-down. He then played his amazoness shadow in attack points and attacked Yugi’s attack points directly.

===Yugi-3100===

Yugi: What happened?!

Canon: My amazoness Shadow can attack your lifepoints directly even if you have a monster on your side of the field. ahh. The power of the amazons!

Now, it was Yugi’s turn again. Yugi had to take out that amazon monster along with a chunk of lifepoints.

Yugi drew alpha the magnet warrior. Aggh! That wouldn’t help! But Yugi activated his Multiply Magic card. The card made his Kuriboh into five Kuriboh so Yugi’s monster spots were all filled up. Yugi then equipped one Kuriboh with an axe of despair making it’s attack 1300. He then declared an attack.

Yugi: Kuriboh! Destroy amazoness shadow!

Canon: Nope! I activate my amazoness archers! It reduces all of your monsters attack points by 500 each and forces them all to attack! And after your monsters lose 500 atk points you won’t have a single monster that can defeat my amazoness shadow!

The crowed gasped and were on the edge of their seats. Not knowing what Canon was really up to, they began cheerig for him.

It was only a minute before Yugi realized the problem. He only had one monster that even had an attack. His first Kuriboh that had been equipped with the axe of despair. But now it had lost atk points so it only had 800. And the other Kuriboh had no atk points at all! When they attacked, Yugi would lose alot of lifepoints!

First the Kuriboh with the equip card attacked(It now only had 800 atk points)

It attacked the amazoness shadow and destroyed itself.

===Yugi-3100===

He attacked with the rest of his Kuriboh and watched them self destruct on the amazoness archer and his lifepoints go down and down.

===Yugi-2200===

===Yugi-1300===

===Yugi-400===

===Yugi-0===



Yugi: Nooo... This...can’t...happen... I can’t let Canon win!

Canon: It’s a little too late for that, don’t ya think?! HAHAHAHA!

Yugi fell over, he didn’t understand where this pain was coming from. Canon walked over to Yugi’s body and took a blade out from under his shirt!

Canon: Feel the power of the millenium Blade!

Canon sank the millenium blade deep into Yugi’s heart. Canon laughed as the crowed screamed. He took a card out of his pocket and stuck it in Yugi’s deck. Yugi stood up. His eyes gleaming red. He was a new changed Duelist.

Canon: Now you serve the dark duelists council! Do you understand me?

Yugi: Yes my master.

Canon pointed his blade around the room until everyone had forgotten what had happened.


************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ************************************************** ******************



Kalon unwrapped his thirteenth birthday gift. It seemed impossible to open the whole thing! But Kalon would do it! Finnaly the paper gave away and Kalon found a small card case with a buster Blader inside! Kalon screamed with hapiness! Now he was one step closer to being a duelist. He wished his brother was here so he could thank him. But he wasn’t so Kalon went upstairs. It was time for bed.

When he got into his room he found a box. He had never seen the box before but he decided to put his Buster Blader inside. Then he walked over and slipped into bed. Before long he was dreaming of duel monsters.

Kalon stood high above everyone else holding his Buster Blade card. He had just won the world championships and lots of rare cards and money! But Kalon was pushed over and saw a shadowed face. He helped Kalon up and then handed him a bunch of cards. A whole deck. Kalon put his Buster Blader at the top of the deck and then put the deck in his belt.

Kalon shot up out of bed. He was dissapointed a minute later when he realized it was only a dream. But at least he still had his new card. He stretched and then got out of bed walking over to take a glance at the card.

When he oppened the box a strong light came out and burned his eyes so badly, he fell over. When he got back up he looked at the box. The Buster Blader was gone! In place was a circle machine. Kalon found a strap and attached it to his arm. There were some buttons so he pressed the first one. A small compartment revealed a whole deck of cards with the Buster Blader at the top! As Kalon looked through the deck he saw that it was the deck from the dream. And for some reason, Kalon knew every card’s effect off by heart. Kalon pressed the second button. A sliding board zoomed out and Kalon realized it was a Duel disk. None of this made sense but Kalon was just too happy to care.



He slipped on his clothes and ran outside. He had to duel right away. He couldn’t wait. Kalon looked up the street and saw his older brother. He ran up to him.

Kalon: Hey big bro. Wanna duel Yugi?

Yugi: HAHAHAHA! So you’ve found your deck just as master Canon said would happen.

Kalon: Ummm. who ah waaaa???

Yugi: I’m a changed man Kalon! Now I collect the souls of dark duelists for my master! When enough souls have been collected, a power like nothing you could ever imagine will be unleashed!

Kalon had heard of Yugi’s stories from a few years ago. People losing their soul was never a good thing. And he knew what he had to do. He had to win the duel and save his brother. Both of them started their duel disks

IT’S TIME TO DUEL!

===Kalon-4000=== ===Yugi-4000===

Kalon drew his first six cards.

1. Buster Blader (Kalon smiled when he saw this)
2. Skilled white magicican
3. Soul Release
4. Graceful charity
5. Buster Bladers tribute
6. waboku


Kalon: First I’ll activate graceful charity.

He drew these cards:

1. Dragons tribute
2. return from the different dimension
3.mystical space typhoon

He discarded Dragons tribute and Skilled White Magician and then used soul release to remove them from play.

Kalon: Next I’ll play two cards face down and end my turn!


Yugi: No monsters? Have I taught you nothing? Very well, this will be easy! I play my winged dragon, guardian of the fortress # 2 in attack mode and then attack!

Kalon: I activate waboku, reducing your monsters attack to 0.

Yugi: *growl* Fine! Next I’ll place one card face-down and activate stumbling to my turn.


Kalon was feeling good about this duel. His plan might just work. He drew Buster Bladers call.

Kalon: I’ll start by playing Return from the different dimension to bring back the monsters I discarded. Then I tribute them for my Buster Blader! I’ll play Buster Blader’s call next.
yugi: What?!

Kalon: First of all you lose the top five cards on your deck and two cards randomly from your hand. Then you lose lifepoints equal to half of Buster Bladers atk. So that’s 1300. The downfall is my Buster Blader loses 1000 atk points and can only atk once again in this duel. Next I’ll use my Buster Bladers new effect that it got when I tributed “Buster Blader’s tribute” for it. I get to randomly discard one card from your hand every turn that Buster Blader is on the field! Then I use Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy stumbling and switch Buster Blader to attack mode to end my turn.

Now Kalon had no cards in his hand and only Buster Blader on the field though.


===Kalon-4000=== ===Yugi-2700===

Yugi: Hahahaha!! I draw. I’ll play pot of greed! Then I’l activate my face-down card, jar of greed! This is perfect! Next ‘l’ll play creature swap. You get my winged gaurdian of the fortress #2 and I get Buster Blader. After that, I play Polyerization with the Dark Magician in my hand to bring out, Dark Paladin. Dark Paladin attack Winged Guardian of the fortress. HAHAHA! I havn’t even played my new powerful card but rest assured I will before the end of this duel. I end my turn.

===Kalon-2500=== ===Yugi-2700===


Now Kalon had to draw a really good card. He had no cards on the field and no cards in his hand. If he didn’t draw the card he needed, he was a gonner...


TO BE CONTINUED....


A look at the next issue:

Yugi reveal a bit about the mysterious Canon and the duel rages on. Can Kalon save his brother or is Yugi gone forever?


~~~~~~SPOILER~~~~~~

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jkmasterofpain
11-07-2004, 03:55 PM
wow, that canon's a badass............................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...............................................bye

Yami100
11-07-2004, 04:11 PM
wow, that canon's a badass............................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...............................................bye


Um...I don't get it.

Are you dissin the story?-cause that's rude.

Are you really saying he's a badass?-cause that's weird.


I don't get it.

Cyber Squirel
11-07-2004, 09:10 PM
As I said on your last thread: book format! You won't become a better writer using script.



-Taylor

Clare
11-08-2004, 08:07 AM
This is kind of confusing and seems a little choppy in places. There is some good description, such as this:

Kalon unwrapped his thirteenth birthday gift. It seemed impossible to open the whole thing! But Kalon would do it! Finnaly the paper gave away and Kalon found a small card case with a buster Blader inside! Kalon screamed with hapiness! Now he was one step closer to being a duelist. He wished his brother was here so he could thank him. But he wasn’t so Kalon went upstairs. It was time for bed.

When he got into his room he found a box. He had never seen the box before but he decided to put his Buster Blader inside. Then he walked over and slipped into bed. Before long he was dreaming of duel monsters.

Kalon stood high above everyone else holding his Buster Blade card. He had just won the world championships and lots of rare cards and money! But Kalon was pushed over and saw a shadowed face. He helped Kalon up and then handed him a bunch of cards. A whole deck. Kalon put his Buster Blader at the top of the deck and then put the deck in his belt.

Kalon shot up out of bed. He was dissapointed a minute later when he realized it was only a dream. But at least he still had his new card. He stretched and then got out of bed walking over to take a glance at the card.

When he oppened the box a strong light came out and burned his eyes so badly, he fell over. When he got back up he looked at the box. The Buster Blader was gone! In place was a circle machine. Kalon found a strap and attached it to his arm. There were some buttons so he pressed the first one. A small compartment revealed a whole deck of cards with the Buster Blader at the top! As Kalon looked through the deck he saw that it was the deck from the dream. And for some reason, Kalon knew every card’s effect off by heart. Kalon pressed the second button. A sliding board zoomed out and Kalon realized it was a Duel disk. None of this made sense but Kalon was just too happy to care.

But the main problem is with the dialogue being in script format. If you want to write dialogue in prose, here's how you do it:

Candida noticed her friend shivering with fear and patted her reassuringly. "Don't worry - we've beaten Team Midnight before and we can do it again."

"Yeah, you're right," Autumn brightened momentarily as she recalled previous encounters.

"Er . . . I hate to spoil the party," Jeremy cut in. "But we had our Pokemon then . . ."

"So?" Candida shot back. "Listen, we've got to at least try to fight back! We can't let . . ."

I would also recommend reading Advice For Aspiring Authors

Reaper of Despair
11-08-2004, 03:40 PM
Well, this is much better than before. There are still a few things that need to be worked out, such as descriptions, but you're getting there. Your descriptions of situations and places has improved, but you still need to work on action descriptions, by this I mean you need to say everything that happens in a duel. As a matter of fact, here's an excerpt from a Fanfic that I'm writing now to give you some idea of how to do it.

Jentiri casually slipped the top card off of her deck and added it to her hand without looking at it. She picked up a card and placed in on the Duel Disk without any effort, or interest in what she was doing.

“I’ll play Agido (1500/1300) in attack mode,” the spirit said. A round red fairy with a golden Eye of Anubis decoration on its face appeared. It snapped its metal claws at Joey’s monster, which backed up slightly. Atem and Jason looked on with concern as Jentiri announced her next move with a slight tone of boredom. “Agido, attack the Swordsman.” The fairy charged forward.

“No you don’t! Activate Graceful Dice!” Joey snapped aggressively as his first face down card hologram flipped. “This card will increase my monster’s attack power by 200 times the number rolled!”

A small yellow creature dressed in a yellow shirt with brown pants and suspenders popped out of the card hologram and dropped a large, blue die onto the field. It tumbled for a few seconds before landing on a three. Jentiri smirked at the result, but Joey wasn’t done yet.

“Fine, activate Skull Dice!” His other trap card flipped up, and out of it appeared a small pale skinned demon dressed in black, holding a large red die. “This card will decrease your monster’s attack by 100 times the number rolled.”

The demon dropped the die and it tumbled a bit before landing on a five. Joey clenched his fists and yelled out at Jentiri.

“Now, your monster (1000/1300) is too weak to destroy mine, so counter, Swordsman of Landstar (1100/1200)!”

The tiny monster sidestepped the attack from Agido and slashed the monster, splitting it in two.

See what I mean by description? You have to describe the monsters and the Spell or Trap cards being activated, even if they have no physical effect on the monsters or the players. And you have to describe players' reactions to moves. This can foreshadow whether or not the player can counter and it can sometimes pique readers' curiosity.

You're doing good so far. Just keep on practicing and you'll get it. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither were award winning fanfics.