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View Full Version : DRAGON BALL Z EX pleaese read and make suggestions


andrew12
02-13-2004, 08:17 PM
i was going to call it dbzx but its taken.these sagas have been made up by me and i dont know if they are very good but here are the sagas.

DRAGON BALL Z EX

zard saga:in this saga goku returns with Uub finding master roshi has passed away.trunks,gohan,and goten all went to do some studying of outerplanet machinery/tech.vegeta has done great training on new namek while piccolo helped out dende and mr.popo.goku then goes to roshis funeral.he returns to kamis lookout to find mr.popo with a letter from roshi that he wrote 1 year ago to be given to goku in the time of his death.it states that roshi wants master taio to train goku.taio lives with the grand kai.it alsow says that taio would be very pleased if he could train goku so he could enter goku in the first ever grand kai universal tournament.so goku leaves uub behind to go train for 1 last year.he reaches the land of the kais and is trained by taio.before the tournament starts a urgent message from earth is given to goku and states that trunks,goten,and gohan have arrived back but are in tatters.so goku returns to earth.gohan tells goku that they reached a strange plant and were attacked by many of different aliens.they said that they wish to see goku and that lord zard wants to have a word with him.gohan barely escaped.so goku stays on earth.1 year later taio comes to earth only to tell goku that trouble is brewing on a nearby planet and the cause of that trouble may make its way to earth.goku decides to stop the evil and takes gohan,piccolo,and vegeta with him.they later reach the planet known as gergle.they search the land but find nothing but dead corpses laying on the ground.goku goes north to look ahead while the others go east sensing powerlevels.goku finds 2 androids scouting the land.he thinks that those 2 are causeing the trouble.the first one, big a buffed up known as H_-4,spots goku and fights with him.goku almost gets hit by a powerful blast but counters with a powerful kamehameha destroying the android.then the other android well built and strong looking attacks goku.goku dodges the first attack but is hit by the next.meanwhile vegeta,gohan,and piccolo come across a young looking boy and his father.they claim that 2 mechanical men attacked and killed most of there kind.he leads the 3 to a small village where a small remnant of people live.meanwhile the match between the android H_-1 continues.goku unleashes a warp kamehameha leaving the android weak.as a last resort he shoots a dodon blast attack at goku.it hits and weakings goku greatly.vegeta shows up to put a end to the fight be destroying the machine and gives 1 senzu bean to goku [that is the only senzu bean brought with them]they return to the small village to see it destroyed and gohan and piccolo laying on the ground.goku asks piccolo [after he recoverd]what hapend.he says that a terrible warrior that looks like a demon attacked them.he alsow says that the attackers force was nearly unstopable.then a android appears carying the young child with him.piccolo says he can handle him and the battle starts piccolo vs. the android H_-3.goku,gohan,and vegeta head east.soon they find a large space ship.the door opens and a dark creature comes out.gohan gasps and claims that that is the demon that attacked them.vegeta rushes in for a attack but is swated away.the demon says his name is zard and he wants to kill goku so he can be known as the strongest warrior in the universe.he moves quickly and attacks gohan showing off his speed.vegeta comes up and starts to fight.he attacks zard fiercely and finishs him off with a big bang attack.he soon finds that he did not defeat zard and zard unleshes a black sole energy blast knocking out vegeta.meanwhile piccolo struggles to keep up with H_-3.piccolo shoots a speciaL beam cannon only to miss but tricks his opponet by counering his next attack concentrating all his energy into one punch then destroys H_-3.piccolo arrives to the scene to only be shot down by zard with a death beam.this enrages goku and he goes into battle with zard.the battle is long and quickpaced.zard attacking with devestating blows and goku reacting to the attacks.zard then compliments goku on his attacks and powers up a energy blast that shoots quickly.it hits goku leaving him open for attacks.zard takes over the match and starts winning.vegeta awakes and charges up a galick gun from afar.gohan helps by charging up a kamehameha.they both launch there attacks and hit zard.quickly goku charges up a spirit bomb.zard notices and attacks but is stoped by vegeta.after a long and painful beating vegeta is defeated.gohan attacks zard but his attack fails.zard tired of playing with gohan ends it with a dark spirit wave.zard looks up and horified notices goku with a spirit bomb.goku launches it at zard.zard trys to hold back the attack while goku grabs gohan and vegeta and escapes on zards spaceship to watch planet gergle be destroyed along with zard.


mecha freiza saga:returning to earth goku uses the dragon balls to revive piccolo.goku and his sons are relaxing but suddenly the earth trembles.goku suspects its nothing but while goten is watching the t.v. he sees a news report on a spacecraft found in central park.goten tells his father.the next day the Zwarriors go to check it out.at the arrival a pod comes out from the top of the space craft and inside is freiza.goku cant believe his eyes claiming freiza was killed.frieza states he is not frieza but a cyborg copy.he is created out of the same steel used to creat mecha cooler.the metal half of his head was greatly damaged after trunks defeated him but the brain was still in that half.he explains that the brain activated the emegancy rocket placed on all metal parts on freiza when he was revived.soon the part of his brain arrives to his home planet freezer.his people used nano technolegy to creat macha frieza.he says that while on freezer he created a cyborg army of the ginyu force each robot resembeling a ginyu force member [ginyu,jeice,burter,recoome,and guldo]the hatch of the spaceship opens and out steps the robotic ginyu force.vegeta fights ginyu,gohan fights burter,piccolo fights jeice with the help of yamcha,and trunks fights guldo.frieza countinues to tell goku about his arrivel.he says that he created a solar dish that absorbs the suns ultra violent rays and transforms the rays in to nano energy which is sent to frieza so he can get stronger and transform into his next 3 stages.he alsow says when kid buu was destroyed he was able to use chemical samples leftover from the battle area where goku defeated buu to creat a new kid buu.he says that after he reaches his final stage he will emerge with kid buu to form a creature known as freizanbuu.after the z warriors defeated the cyborg ginyu force freiza tells goku that he has one year to train for the battle againts him.freiza then flys away....goku goes train with master taio vegeta and trunks go inside the hyperbolic time chamber and gohan trains goten and trunks.one year later after hard training the z warriors are ready to face frieza.first freiza battles piccolo but then frieza takes to his next transformation killing piccolo.one by one the z warriors fall untill finaly frieza reaches his last form.goku and vegeta must now fight side by side to defeat frieza.the battle is fierce but frieza unleashes his ultimate weapon and fuses with kid buu.now freizanbuu fights goku and vegeta.goku soon realises they are no match for freizanbuu and that they must fuse into vegeto to win.goku garabs to kai earings from his pocket which he got from master taio and gives one to vegeta.they fuse into vegeto and the battle rages on.the spetacular battle continues until freizanbuu reaches 100% perfect form.vegeto being pounded asks for trunks and gohan to fuse and hold off freizanbuus attacks until he is able to power up to his complete power.the 2 perform the fuesing dance and are fused to create gotunks.gotunks goes onward to fight freizanbuu.soon gotunks find out he does not stand a chance and is killed by freizanbuu.inragged vegeto transform into a super saiyan 5 [with orange lines in his hair]the battle rages on until vegeto unleshes galamehameha gun,destroying the menace known only as freizanbuu.

to be continued in part 2 kaiser saga

andrew12
02-13-2004, 09:26 PM
i might as well do part 2 and get it over with.i think this is better then part 1

PART 2


DRAGON BALL Z EX PART 2

kaiser saga:its a brisk beutiful out side.it has been 16 years since the destruction of mecha frieza.bulma gave birth to another child which they named tyler.goku now a days sits back and relax's with his wife chichi.goten is spending even more time with his girl friend and gohan and videl live peacfully together.vegeta spends more time with bulma and trunks is now the owner of capsul corp.he has created a set of 200 new capsuls and has became famous for his great discoveries.vegetas son tyler attends school and hangs out with his friends like any other teenager.vegeta is discraced by his son because he seems to have no intrest in fighting and is not a super saiyan nor does he have much strenth.one day goku,vegeta,chichi,bulma,and there sons drive to west hills a perfect picnic spot for a nice lunch with no worries or fighting.....or so it may seem.............suddenly a ki blast is shot from above at the car but harming none.goku looks up to find a light maroon and black like creature with spikes coming out from the top part of the arm and covering the knees.goku asks who are you.the creature lands on the ground facing them.soon he started reciteing a chant or a poem......................"my people have layed in their dungeons in there underground land.......wondering......fearing........regreting .....the choices they have made.........pain was brought to us but neverless we survive in our underworld land.......wondering.....fearing......regreting... ......they are slaves of the one who commands us to destroy........kill........and burn........we seek the one named goku for he is the strongest of them all so we can bring him in our dark land under the surface to make the rest fall".................he ended and said i am kaiser.bounty hunter of the dark ruler of the underworld known as Hades.he wishes to expand his dark kindom and to do that he must kill you so the others will fall."then you will have to get pass me" said goku.and with that last word he charged at kaiser.kaiser dodged the attack and countered leaving goku motionless."you are a small challenge.i am dissapointed"but before kaiser could kill goku vegeta attacked followed by gohan and trunks.kaiser dodged all the attacks and retaliated with his own."my people sold our souls to hades for power.we were betrayed but we had no choice but to give in."he raised his hands above his head slamed the ground so it split into a fissure.lava flowed out and a great red demon,with grey eyes,horns,and fists the size as a head appered.he was no taller then goku but looked furocious."this is des daim.a demon created by hades"all of a sudden tyler stepped forth ready to fight.but something happened.he couldent explain it but great power flowed all around him.he noticed a golden araura around him and that his hair was gold and standing up.he felt the erge to fight.he sprang forth attacking the red demon dealing great damage.soon trunks joined his side to fight.burning attack!!!!!!yelled trunks and a great energy blast shot forth and harmed des daim.at the same time kaiser faced off againts vegeta and goku.goten and his brother took bulma and chichi to a safe place."you are nothing compared TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"yelled des daim and attacked trunks with all his might and slammed him to the ground.quickly he raced to tyler and shot a powerful ki blast at him,sending him down.goku and vegeta were able to master the s.s.5 stage and used it againts kaiser.the extreme battle rised in to the air and the battle soon ruined the preceous land.tyler opened his eyes to see trunks besides him."here have this senzu bean it will heal you.take it now."

to be continued in part 3

bountyhunterbebop
02-13-2004, 09:34 PM
You definatly have to work on your writing.

1. The writing is way too hard to read. The paragraphs are way to long. Break them up into a few smaller paragraphs.

2. Everything felt a little bit rushed. Go a little bit into detail.

It had an OK plot though.



EDIT: Also, you should post chapters in different threads each time so it is easier for the reader to follow the story.

TheOneSin
02-14-2004, 06:45 PM
1)For the third child of Bulma and Vegeta, try to keep the trend and have his name be a type of under garment. How about Ty Taylor Briefs (Ty T. :D ).
2) Make the S.S. 5 a little more different than just the orange streaks.

andrew12
02-18-2004, 02:18 PM
thanks for the replys.yeah i think it did sound too rushed.i write a lot [not storys but lists and charts and stuff like that]most of the story is fighting.i didnt know how i should tell how the battle went like who kicked who and then did what but it was blocked and all that other stuff.yeah and i think tyler is now taylor.im not much of a speller and i have never posted in the fan fiction section before so i might think up another story and post it [a better one]alsow thanks bountyhunter for your posting suggestions and saying i have to work on my writing [i do]

bountyhunterbebop
02-18-2004, 05:46 PM
Alwayz happy 2 help. I'll be reading this in the future.