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darkruler dragon
08-05-2004, 03:10 AM
The hospital in Domino City was quite, except for the tall stranger walking through towards the wing that housed Seto Kaiba. He nearly walked into Kaiba's room when Joey Wheeler stood in his way.

"Hey, how are you, and watcha doing in Kaiba's room," demanded Joey.

"I'm not here for him," said the cloaked figure, "I'm here for.....YOU!" The stranger opened his hand a blast of energy hit Joey and knocked him to the floor. Yugi came through the doors to see the stranger grabbing Joey and taking him up the stairs. Yugi followed, but an he stumbled on the steps and fell backwards. There he lay unconscience, while Joey was being taken away.

Joey woke up after feeling the wind and rain across his aching body.

"Where am I?" he asked himself quietly. He stood up to realize that he was standing on the roof of the Domino City Hospital, with a cloaked figure in front of him. He walked forward until he stepped on something. He looked down to see a Duel Disk, it was like his own Duel Disk, but it had extra slots and a weird device on the life point gauge, which read 8000.

"Joseph Wheeler, you should know why your here," stated the figure, "your going to duel me, and your going to face a dark fate when you lose".

"Your the guy, who hurt Kaiba, fine, I'll duel ya for his honor".

"No, one of my peers harmed Seto Kaiba, I am Nightmare and my deck feeds on your fears!"

Joey looked up, "ok, let's duel!" Joey drew his first cards and started his turn.

"I summon Axe Raider in attack mode, then I set one card facedown to end my turn, " announced Joey.

The Nightmare began to explain his methods, "Joseph, your still angered over the way you harmed your friend, Yugi Mutoh".

"What are ya talking about?" asked Joey, puzzled.

"In the Battle City tournament, you tortured Yugi Mutoh, you forced him to face Exodia and then you dueled him, attempting to kill him!"

Joey tried to ignore him, "It wasn't me, I tried to help Yugi, and then I was controlled, IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" Nightmare had gotten into Joey's head, just as he had wanted to.

"Let's see if can survive the same experience you put your friend through, I activate Hinotama!" A ball of fire struck Joey and engulfed him in flames. (Joey: 7500). The fire faded away and Joey was trying to get up after being hit.

"Let's try that again, your punishment isn't over yet Joseph, go my second Hinotama!" Another blast hits Joey and he fell to the floor. (Joey: 7000).

"Now let's see if you live after another direct damage card, Ookazi!" Joey was surrounded in flames and they hit him at full force, he was slammed closer to the edge of the building, but was able to turn before falling to his death. (Joey: 6200).

"Joseph, this is what Yugi Mutoh felt, this is what you did to him!" Nightmare screamed with glee.

"Now I summon the monster of a friend that hates you, go Cyber Harpy (1800)!" announced Nightmare, "remember Mai, she hated you, she wanted you dead and she almost killed you, she never liked you, she liked Varon".

Joey couldn't take it anymore, "STOP IT! I'LL SHOW YOU!"

"Joseph, it'll be over soon, the device on your Duel Disk will help you end it all".

Joey looked up, "What're you talking about Nightmare?"

"The loser of the duel, namely you will set off the device, which will spray kerosene particles around him, then I will activate my last Hinotama and burn you until you die!"

Nightmare continued on, "Let's see if you can, Cyber Harpy, attack the Axe Radier and let's ensure the end of Joseph Wheeler forever!"

"Hold on Nightmare, I can still duel," Joey proclaimed, "I activate my Trap card, Kunai with Chain to stop your monster's attack!"

"Your Trap will only delay this duel, for now I'll end my turn after setting this facedown card".

"First, my Axe Raider also gains five hundred attack points (2300) from my Trap card, and now I'll summon my Goblin Attack Force (2300)," announced Joey, "Axe Raider, attack his Cyber Harpy!" Axe Raider pulled the chain and cut the Cyber Harpy in half. (Nightmare: 7500).

"Nice job Axe Raider," Joey looked towards his other monsters, "Goblin Attack Force, hit him directly!" The goblins jumped and attacked Nightmare, who was simply pushed away, then walked back towards the dueling area. (Nightmare: 5200).

"Oh yeah! Now what Nightmare?" Joey mocked, "I'll set this card facedown , the I'll end my turn".

Nightmare drew his next card and grinned, "Joseph, your afraid of what could happen to your sister, aren't you?" Joey was trying not to respond.

"Maybe when I win this duel, I can go find her".

Joey couldn't fight anymore, "HEY NIGHTMARE, LEAVE SERENITY OUT OF THIS!"

Nightmare laughed, "I do know something else about you, you want to be a true duelist, yet you can't even beat Seto Kaiba, so let's see how you fare against one of Kaiba's monsters".

"I summon Blade Knight in attack mode (1600), then I activate the Trap card, Meteoran which allows my monster to inflict damage, even if your monster is in defense mode and further power up Blade Knight with this Spell card, Swift Sword of Destruction (2000)".

Joey realized his Goblin Attack Force was forced in defense mode by it's own effect, "This is bad".

Yugi was slowly opening his eyes and his head was in a lot of pain. "I've got to get to Joey," he said to himself in desperation. He crawled up the stairs and finally reached the top flight of stairs, he was able to reach the door, and tried to open it, jammed. He tried to push the door, but he couldn't. Yugi knew the Pharoah could get it open, but he left the Millenium Puzzle in Kaiba's room. He decided to give it one final shove.

Meanwhile, Joey waited for Nightmare's command, he'd lose a lot of life points from this attack. "Blade Knight, attack the Goblin Attack Force!" The Blade Knight cut through some of Joey's goblin's, which exploded. (Joey: 4200).

"I'll end my turn, but first I'll play a facedown card." Joey drew his card and was about to announce his move, when all of a sudden the door burst open to reveal Yugi.

Joey turned to see him, "Yug?" asked Joey, running over to his fainted friend.

"Yug, are you all right?" Joey asked in worry,

"Yug, how'd you know I was up here?"

Yugi partially stood up, "Joey, I saw him take you here, who is he?"

"His name's Nightmare, and he's buds with the guy who attacked Kaiba," Joey answered,

"Yug, I gotta win this duel, stay here". Joey turned back to Nightmare, ready to continue the duel.

"Ok Nightmare, let's finish this now," Joey announced, "I activate my facedown card, Graverobber, to take Cyber Harpy from your graveyard and summon it on my side of the field (1800)". Nightmare watched as his card was brought out by Joey.

"I sacrifice both my monsters to summon the Red Eyes Black Dragon (2400)," commanded Joey, as his friend looked on, "and now I activate Dragon Nails, which increases my dragon's attack power (2900)."

"Now, Red Eyes Black Dragon, attack his Blade Knight". Joey's dragon shot a blast of energy that hit the Blade Knight, which was ripped apart. (Nightmare: 4300).

"So, you've taken the advantage," Nightmare said, with little care, "I'll end my turn now".

Joey saw this opportunity to win, "Ok, Red Eyes, attack Nightmare directly!" The dragon blasted Nightmare, who was engulfed in flames. The flames died down, and Nightmare stood firm. (Nightmare: 1400).

"You've done it now Joseph, I activate the Trap card, Dismissal of the Demon Abyss," explained Nightmare, "this card forces me to remove my graveyard from the game, but I can summon the Flaming Dark Demon in attack mode (3500), so my demon, counterattack now!" The dragon was engulfed in the fire of the huge demon monster. (Joey: 3600).

"I can't do anything about my dragon, but I can summon a monster in defense mode, go Alligator Sword (1200)".

"Joseph, you've failed yourself and your friends," grunted Nightmare, "I activate Stop Defense to force Alligator Sword in attack mode (1500)". Joey knew he had lost, this was the last turn of the duel. He looked down and realized, he had to get the Duel Disk off of him.

He pulled as fast as possible, but Nightmare had already begun, "I summon Fire Demon (1800), attack the Alligator Sword!" (Joey: 3300).

"Flaming Dark Demon, attack with the Blazing Abyss Blast!" The blast hit Joey at full force, who fell to the floor. (Joey: 0). The gauge hit zero and the Duel Disk began to spit out the kerosene gas. Yugi ran towards his friend, ready to rip off the device on Joey's hand. Joey tried to rip it off, but the machine was stuck. He pushed the top off, his cards flying towards the door.

Nightmare had given them to much time, he grabbed the Hinotama and said, "Time to burn Joseph, time to burn". He activated the card which shot a ball of fire towards Joey, who jumped for it. He was near Yugi, but the gas had followed him and the card still engulfed Joey's arm in fire. The pain pulled Joey back, as his hand was being burned, the skin felt as if it were falling off. Yugi turned to where Nightmare stood and saw he was gone. He went back to the door, grabbed the fire extinguisher. He put out the flames, but he also caught the gruesome sight of his friend's mangled arm. Yugi rushed down the stairs for help, hoping that he can save Joey's life. There he saw Nightmare, who blasted light at Yugi, knocking him out, and leaving Joey Wheeler, doomed on the roof of the Domino City Hospital.

king rodan
08-05-2004, 12:47 PM
your may use the names, but your not a dub writer are you, you try to kill everyone, LOL

darkruler dragon
08-05-2004, 04:30 PM
your may use the names, but your not a dub writer are you, you try to kill everyone, LOL

ummmmmm......thanks?

Clare
08-06-2004, 08:37 AM
Amen to that, Watto! And, "awesome" mike, if you don't like a particular author's stories, either stay the hell out of their topics or offer some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. This does NOT mean telling people their stories "suck"; rather, it means offering pointers on what worked and what didn't work and mistakes in spelling, punctuation and grammar.

Talking of constructive criticism, this story does have some good description such as:

Joey woke up after feeling the wind and rain across his aching body.

However, there are a few things that need sorting. First, when writing dialogue, you start a new paragraph each time you switch to another speaker; this makes it easier for the reader to keep track of the conversation. So this, for example:

Nightmare continued on, "Let's see if you can, Cyber Harpy, attack the Axe Radier and let's ensure the end of Joseph Wheeler forever!" "Hold on Nightmare, I can still duel," Joey proclaimed, "I activate my Trap card, Kunai with Chain to stop your monster's attack!" "Your Trap will only delay this duel, for now I'll end my turn after setting this facedown card". "First, my Axe Raider also gains five hundred attack power (2300) from my Trap card, and now I'll summon my Goblin Attack Force (2300)," announced Joey, "Axe Raider, attack his Cyber Harpy!" Axe Raider pulled the chain and cut the Cyber Harpy in half. (Nightmare: 7500). "Nice job Axe Raider," Joey looked towards his other monsters, "Goblin Attack Force, hit him directly!" The goblins jumped and attacked Nightmare, who was simply pushed away, then walked back towards the dueling area. (Nightmare: 5200).

should be:

Nightmare continued on, "Let's see if you can, Cyber Harpy, attack the Axe Radier and let's ensure the end of Joseph Wheeler forever!"

"Hold on Nightmare, I can still duel," Joey proclaimed, "I activate my Trap card, Kunai with Chain to stop your monster's attack!"

"Your Trap will only delay this duel, for now I'll end my turn after setting this facedown card".

"First, my Axe Raider also gains five hundred attack power (2300) from my Trap card, and now I'll summon my Goblin Attack Force (2300)," announced Joey, "Axe Raider, attack his Cyber Harpy!" Axe Raider pulled the chain and cut the Cyber Harpy in half. (Nightmare: 7500). "Nice job Axe Raider," Joey looked towards his other monsters, "Goblin Attack Force, hit him directly!" The goblins jumped and attacked Nightmare, who was simply pushed away, then walked back towards the dueling area. (Nightmare: 5200).

Also, I have a bit of a problem with "Yugioh" fanfics where the author puts Life Points, Attack Points and Defence Points in brackets. This tends to disrupt the flow of the sentence.

"Awesome" mike, I'm reporting you for bashing. So watch yourself or you'll soon be seeing the word "Banned User" under your name.

Watto
08-06-2004, 08:55 AM
"Awesome" mike, I'm reporting you for bashing. So watch yourself or you'll soon be seeing the word "Banned User" under your name.
Now why didn't I think of reporting the nutter. Duh!!

darkruler dragon
08-06-2004, 12:08 PM
ok, thanks for the help, i fixed it a little (sorry, i like the lp, ATK/DEF thing, i'll try to do it a better way)

and what happened? someone insulted me?

* looks to see awesome mike in both posts, oh
i don't even want to know

New Devimon
08-10-2004, 02:03 PM
Well, let's see here now. This, uh, interesting. But definetly what King Rodan said, you're definetly not a dub(censored version) writer. So these guys Shadow and Nightmare like to play the Grim Reaper do they? Now I have no idea why people keep thinking that the Duel Disks make the cards real. Safeguards off just mean that there is more energy being used to make the monsters more life-like. It doesn't make them real. I don't see how the Hinotama card could have really set Kerosene on fire. Though like i said last time, try and describe the monsters, espeacially if they are made-up cards like what you did in excess in the last chapter.

darkruler dragon
08-10-2004, 07:39 PM
Well, let's see here now. This, uh, interesting. But definetly what King Rodan said, you're definetly not a dub(censored version) writer. So these guys Shadow and Nightmare like to play the Grim Reaper do they? Now I have no idea why people keep thinking that the Duel Disks make the cards real. Safeguards off just mean that there is more energy being used to make the monsters more life-like. It doesn't make them real. I don't see how the Hinotama card could have really set Kerosene on fire. Though like i said last time, try and describe the monsters, espeacially if they are made-up cards like what you did in excess in the last chapter.

that'll be explained later on, they are not normal Duel Disks

ssj12
08-13-2004, 04:44 PM
Nice, we should actually see more uncencored writers. Like my Dragonball AE Movie 2 Fanfic coming out in a few months. I hope to learn more about these new duel discs. they sound interesting.

darkruler dragon
08-15-2004, 09:44 PM
Nice, we should actually see more uncencored writers. Like my Dragonball AE Movie 2 Fanfic coming out in a few months. I hope to learn more about these new duel discs. they sound interesting.

Part 3 is already done, and they'll be explained in part 4

Zombrya
08-19-2004, 02:46 PM
I like your stories, keep up the good work :).

darkruler dragon
08-20-2004, 03:59 AM
I like your stories, keep up the good work :).

thanks, i should stop being lazy & write more, lol