Kaiba gets his ass kicked!

[sir ian]

(This duel takes place right after Joey's duel with Espa Roba,and before Yugi's duel with Arcana)
Kaiba and Mokuba are wandering the streets of Battle city looking for an opponent.Kaiba wants to test his god card with a real opponent,but cant find a rare hunter that holds another god.Marik sends a rare hunter out to take on Kaiba.About an hour later Kaiba keeps talkin' to Mokuba,but realises he's gone.Kaiba finds the rare hunter with a gun pointing to Mokuba's head,(in the American version of this he's pointing a Shadow...thing at him)The rare hunter tells Kaiba if he wants to save his brother he must challenge him to a duel,betting his lone locater card and god card.Kaiba exceps his challenge!
Duel!
Kaiba:Draws for his turn,sets a monster in defence,and two cards face down.
Rare hunter:Draws,plays Raigeki and Harrpie's feathere duster.Next,he pays 3000 LPs for Delinquent duo and Confiscation.And,of course,summons Yata and attacks.Kaiba loses and reluctantly gives over his god card and locater card.He falls on his knees in defeat.


TO BE CONTINUED...



(Part 2 is gonna' be much longer!)

[sir ian]

Okay,I'm ready now. Episode two.
Yugi walks down the streets and spots Kaiba,still on the ground in shame.Yugi runs towards Kaiba and asked what happened.Kaiba tells him he lost a duel to a rare hunter and lost his brother.He tells Yugi that if he would win a duel against that jerk and won his brother,locater and god card back.
Yugi,being the nice dude his agreas,and challenges the rare hunter to a duel.
He accepts.Duel!
Yugi,4000
Rare hunter,4000
Rare hunter,Draws and sets a monster face-down.
Yugi,Sommons Alpha and sets one card face-down.Alpha attack!
The card was Witch,so the Rare hunter picks Thunder Nyan-nyan.
Rare hunter:Draws,summons Thunder Nyan-nyan and attacks!Yugi activates Spellbinding circle.Thunder Nyan-nyan(1200 attack)
Yugi,Draws,sets a moster in defence mode and attacks with Alpha!
Yugi,4000
Rare hunter,3800
Rarte hunter,Draws and ends his turn without playing anything.
Yugi:Sacrifises two monsters to summon Dark magician and attacks!
Rare hunter,1300
Rare hunter,Draws and removes Sangan and thunder nyan-nyan to summon Black luster soldier-envoy of the beggining!And plays swords of revealing light.Now BLS-EOTB attack twice!
Yugi,500
Yugi Draws,plays Brain control on BLS-EOTB,and removes him,and sets one card face-down.
Rare hunter:plays gracefull charity ,draws 3,discards 2.Sommons Chaos emperer dragon-envoy of the end,pays 1000 lPs to destroy every card and cause 300 points of damage to Yugi's life points!
Rare hunter:300
Yugi,500
Whats this?Yugi's LP's didn't go down?
Yugi chained with Waboku,causin all damage to go to 0.
Yugi,Draws and plays Monster reborn on Dark magician and attacks!
Rare hunter:0


Yugi won! The two Kaiba brothers were reuinited .Yugi stares at the god card.Kaiba snatches it out of Yugi's hand and says"You'll see this card...when we're in the finals,Yugi...
The end

[sir ian]

Where the heck are all these faces coming from?!

[Dr.Constantine]

Anyways, the story let me down. Why the hell did the rare hunter pay 3000LP for two 1000 cost cards? You don't even know how they work, sheesh. That story blew donkey chunks. Please save us from the torture and delete the ENTIRE story. This really can't compete with anything on this board. The only possible good thing about this story was the fact that it was over fast.


BTW,

Those smiley faces are there because you wrote like this:

Kaiba : Draws . . . (With no spaces between the D and the dots)

But if there were spaces, it would be:

Kaiba:Draws

[sir ian]

Jeez,I suck even worse than I thought.I'm never coming back here again.
(By the way I meant 2000,I know,I've got both of those cards.)

[Clare]

Ah, my "dear" sir ian, I fear JingTheKingOfBandits is right. This "story" is, to put it bluntly, awful. Most of it's in script format and there is a SERIOUS lack of description. If you want to describe a Duel Monsters tournament, try taking note of how the game plays out in the "Yu-gi-oh" tv series; don't just post a blow-by-blow log of the match. Remember, the characters are human beings so they will be thinking, planning their strategies and reacting when one of their monsters gets knocked out.

Anyway, if you ever reconsider your statement above, please read Advice For Aspiring Authors.